lacuna (or alternatively, bits and pieces)

noun an unfilled space; a gap

they say that each of us

are the pieces 

of people we've met

some pieces are good

some are bad

but it doesn't matter

because we are collections of both

bits of stolen stardust

i like to call them

i often wonder

which pieces i took from you

would you recognise them

if you saw them in me?

the jaded 

the broken

the brilliant

would it comfort you

or would it make

your toes curl 

i guess it depends

entirely 

on which pieces of you

i took

in the end

i don't suppose it matters

which pieces of you i took

or how many pieces of you i took

because they will never be able
to fill the cavities 

left in my heart 

from the pieces of me

you took.

they were the best pieces.

hubris

lick your wounds

and suck it up

face it –

you can’t learn everything

it hurts to know

that I can’t learn everything

but it hurts more to know that

other people are learning

more than I am

gore

gash

wound

this infernal pride of mine

this

throbbing

dissatisfaction

this bitter taste of defeat

bite back your tongue

chew on your folly

swallow your unhappiness

but don’t let it swallow you whole

this

unending

misery

this bilious taste of regret

I feel like I’m about to be sick

quick

before I choke

on my inferiority complex

pride cometh before a fall

i know

divine retribution

awaits me

                                                       m.y.

gardening for dummies

gardening for dummies

sometimes I open my mouth to speak

but no words come out

instead I choke on the fluttering wings

of the butterflies in my stomach

I desire emotional connection

but shy away from human contact

like a withdrawn mimosa plant

I plant my hopes like seeds

and water them with tender care

waiting for them to come to fruition

but my fingers are not green

and everything I touch

seems to crumble back into the soil

despite this

I grasp onto my goals and dreams

with what little ambition I have

like tendrils intertwining themselves

around large trees

seeking sunlight in unlikely places

you can’t blame a plant for wanting to grow

the same way

you can’t tame a heart filled with wildflowers

because no matter how often

they get trampled on

they still bloom by sheer force of will

the strength of a plant

is not to be underestimated

it is perfectly acceptable

to remove toxic people from your life

the same way you would

weeds from a garden

raking out the negativity

is a form of self-love

so don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

above all,

do not be afraid to be in full bloom

let yourself be excited,

exercise fervency and love ferociously,

foolishly

and if everyone else laughs,

so be it.

liverworts that grow in shallow water

with shallow mind sets

will always be in envy of

flowers that bloom.

learn to embrace the rain

as ardently as you do the sun

because both are needed

for plants to grow.

someday I hope to look back on

how much I’ve grown

and be able to truly say that

I sprouted from the concrete.

                                                              m.y.

the night we met

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,

haunted by the ghost of you.”

you walk into the room

and suddenly it’s hard to breathe

a function so autonomic

disrupted by

my sympathetic

feelings towards you

the fight or flight response kicks in

do i stay or do I go?

everything inside me screams

run

but

i don’t

just this once

i don’t want to run

just this once

i want to stay by your side

would you rather love someone

and have them taken away from you

or never have loved them at all?

just this once

i don’t want to have to choose

i reach for your hand

and your touch

ignites a star

in my dimmed heart

don’t let me go

like i let go of you

we dance to a slow song

and you lean into my chest

all i hear is your heartbeat

and i swear

for the first time in my life

i am at peace in the madness.

“take me back to the night we met.”

note: this piece is roughly inspired by the song 'the night we met' and the netflix series '13 reasons why'. while i do not agree with some parts of the series, it was an enlightening watch nevertheless.