the night we met

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,

haunted by the ghost of you.”

you walk into the room

and suddenly it’s hard to breathe

a function so autonomic

disrupted by

my sympathetic

feelings towards you

the fight or flight response kicks in

do i stay or do I go?

everything inside me screams

run

but

i don’t

just this once

i don’t want to run

just this once

i want to stay by your side

would you rather love someone

and have them taken away from you

or never have loved them at all?

just this once

i don’t want to have to choose

i reach for your hand

and your touch

ignites a star

in my dimmed heart

don’t let me go

like i let go of you

we dance to a slow song

and you lean into my chest

all i hear is your heartbeat

and i swear

for the first time in my life

i am at peace in the madness.

“take me back to the night we met.”

note: this piece is roughly inspired by the song 'the night we met' and the netflix series '13 reasons why'. while i do not agree with some parts of the series, it was an enlightening watch nevertheless.

animals

“and i talk nicely to them and try and get them to come closer.”

we are four years old

it’s our first school trip together

i tell you i’m most excited to see the tigers

but you being you

are more interested in the

galapagos tortoise

we sit together in the bus

and you hold my hand

i offer you a bag of gummy snakes

but we both know your mother

hates candy

maybe that’s why she hates me

i’m too candy-sweet

daydream

you’re bitter lemon

harsh reality

kids aren’t meant to pet the tigers

but i just wanted to be friends with them

i start to cry

fierce, roaring tears

you and your hard tortoise shell

are already accustomed to my tantrums

you put your arm around my shoulder

though you are shorter than me

you run off

and return with tiger and tortoise plush toys

a wide grin from eye to eye

on your boyish face

you look pleased with yourself

you tell me

the tiger’s name is

rory

and the tortoise’s name is

george

i wonder if you still keep george

because rory lives on my bed

and hasn’t left since

i was four

it’s a shame

i can’t say the same

about you.

“hey, we are elephants, we love giraffes.”

note: this piece is roughly inspired by the song 'animals' by bath.

War Stories

I know that you have your bad days

Where you feel like

Nothing is going the way you want it to

And everything feels wrong

Like you should just give up

Because what’s the point of holding on

When it’s all for nothing

You think that you’re the only one

In the whole damn world

That has it this hard

God, it’s not fair

Why does everyone else look so happy?

I wish I could be as happy as them

To say that you cannot be sad

Because others have it worse

Is like saying you cannot be happy

Because others have it better

And there is no comparison

For the depth of what you feel

But I need to let you know

That everyone has bad days

You may think that the girl who always smiles

And the boy whose laughter feels like the warmth of summer

Live perfect, immaculate lives

But their stories are just as painful as yours

Everyone has a raging inner war within themselves

Just because you cannot see it

It doesn’t mean it isn’t there

So the next time you think you know

A person’s story,

Think again

The depth of a person

Is only as shallow as your judgment

They cannot alter your perception

And so you must broaden your horizons

To the possibility of people

Being more intricate and complex

Than you can comprehend

Because inside each of us

Is a universe filled with stardusted secrets

Of wishes and hopes and wants

That others will not possibly understand

Because they are not the heroes of our war stories

And we are all veterans of the wars we fight

Against ourselves

Nobody is as hard on us

As we are on ourselves

The wars in our heads may never end

But I promise you this

You will always win

Because you keep fighting.