More Often Than Sometimes

I didn't tell my mother that I loved her.
Not today.
Not yesterday.
Not the day before.

When?

More often than sometimes,
we take everyone for granted
like their presence in our lives
will always remain as constant as the sun.
they don't;
there will be rainy days.

More often than sometimes,
we feel like people take us for granted
like our presence in their lives
are like grains of sand in the Sahara Desert.
but
without those grains of sand,
would it be the Sahara Desert?

More often than sometimes,
we forget that we are alive
like the blood pumping in our veins
has gone stagnant.
it hasn't;
we cannot bleed ourselves dry.

More often than sometimes,
I wish I had
told my mother that I loved her
that her presence in my life was
like breaths of oxygen to my burning lungs.
I didn't;
but more often than sometimes,
I wish I had.

Forgive Me, Leonard Peacock

“You're different. And I'm different too. Different is good. But different is hard. Believe me, I know.”  

― Matthew Quick, Forgive Me, Leonard Peacock

In addition to the P-38, there are four gifts, one for each of my friends. I want to say good-bye to them properly. I want to give them each something to remember me by, to let them know I really cared about them and I'm sorry I couldn't be more than I was - that I couldn't stick around - and that what's going to happen today isn't their fault. 

Today is Leonard Peacock's birthday. It is also the day he will kill his former best friend, and then himself, with his grandfather's P-38 pistol. Maybe one day he'll believe that being different is okay, important even. But not today. 

To say that Forgive Me, Leonard Peacock is extraordinary would be an understatement. It's truly exceptional; to the point where I had to put the book down and think, oh my god. In multiple ways it is similar to The Perks of Being a Wallflower as well as Thirteen Reasons Why, which are both very good books if I do say so myself. Suffice to say, this book is hauntingly beautiful, raw, and truly heart-breaking. 

The first person narration through Leonard in the book was honest - in the best way possible. The style was blunt, and the format gave emphasis on Leonard's unbecoming state of mind. This includes the footnotes, his interpretation of people and certain situations as well as his one-worded thoughts on pages. The letters from the future were no doubt confusing and frustrating to me at the start, but they ended up leaving me in tears. 

As for the character Leonard Peacock, I knew from the get go that this kid was brilliant beyond his years. His thoughts and the way he perceives the world captivated me, moved me; that he can be so pessimistic yet hopeful in the most primal way that we know. You can tell just by his analysis on the world that this kid was exceptionally intelligent, as well as remarkably mature. He sees the world as it is, and yet he doesn't, because he doesn't want the pain to be real, so that maybe his future wouldn't be as dark as it seems. 

One of my favorite aspects of the book was the student-teacher relationship between Leonard and Herr Silverman, his Holocaust teacher. I especially love Herr Silverman's Holocaust lessons because they inspire you to think in a way that most classes do not. And then the was Walt, Leonard's neighbor whom I found charmingly authentic, one-of-a-kind. Their friendship was strange, and yet it felt unscripted, like something magical had happened purely on accident. 

And as for Herr Silverman, he is definitely one of my favorite characters yet. He knew from the moment that Leonard gave him his gift that something was wrong. He was paying attention to Leonard. He cared. That was the one thing that mattered most in the book. He cared for Leonard when no one else did. He gave Leonard the consolation he needed when he was desperately alone. That was so important, and I wish more teachers were like Herr Silverman. He is stunning in his unexpected depth that I truly loved. His character spoke of such genuine kindness I didn't think humanity was capable of providing. 

What I love most about this book was that it focuses on thought-provoking subjects that made me think really hard about the flaws in society and how everyday we wake up to do the same things over and over again without truly realizing that our lives are being wasted away. It made me sad to think that people like Leonard went around unnoticed and unloved by the world, it honestly did. The only unfavorable aspect was that the story ended rather abruptly, but I understand why it did. This book made me cry unlike any other book before. Bravo. 

Leonard Peacock's story is one that I will never forget, and I will never forget Leonard Peacock. I truly believe that this is a book that everyone must read, at least once in their lives, if only to realize that one might seem fine on the surface, only to be carrying a sadness so deep it cannot be lifted, and realize that they might just be capable of saving someone's life. 

As to anyone out there who is sad or lonely or depressed or just feeling utterly worthless, "Your life is going to get so much better. I promise you that. Just hold on as best as you can - and believe in the future." -Herr Silverman. 

FIRST THEY IGNORE YOU,

THEN THEY LAUGH AT YOU,

THEN THEY FIGHT YOU,

THEN YOU WIN.

                                     

                                           "How do you know you win?"

                                            "Because I keep fighting."  

Yours, 

Marisa

Half Boy, Half God, All Hero

Percy Jackson and The Olympians is, very simply, one of my favourite book series' of all time. The fascinatingly crafted world of gods, demigods, titans, and other greek mythological creatures itself is enough to draw interest from any reader. Throw in some hilarious puns, a humorous protagonist, interesting characters, well-known greek myths, exciting adventures, and there you have it. A series that will bring laughter and tears as you read it.

Photo credit goes to the owner. 

What I like most about the Percy Jackson, besides that it has to do with Greek mythology, is Percy Jackson himself. Altruistic, goodnatured, humorous, dauntless are just a few of his defining traits. But what makes Percy real is that he has his flaws. He's too goofy, too trusting, too impulsive. His incompetence to fit in amongst others results in him not having many friends. 

But my favourite thing about Percy is his undying loyalty towards his loved ones. In many of the books, this is referred to as his fatal flaw, but this is what makes him Percy Jackson. He would never betray his friends, he'd fight to death for the people he loves, he'd sacrifice himself, give himself entirely just to ensure the safety of his loved ones. Hera, (or rather Juno) once said, "Because I know you, Percy Jackson. In many ways, you are impulsive, but when it comes to your friends you are as constant as a compass needle. You are unswervingly loyal, and you inspire loyalty. You are the glue that will unite the seven." 

Percy is one of the most selfless, determined characters that I've come upon. His will to fight is driven by his will to protect. He doesn't take down monsters and destroy enemies for acknowledgement from the gods as a fearless hero. He does it because he has to. He is hardwired to save the people he loves. He would bleed himself dry for them. 

A little snippet from Heroes of Olympus.

In addition to an amazing protagonist, we also have an as equally incredible female counterpart, Annabeth Chase. She's quick-minded, quick-witted, intelligent beyond compare and headstrong. She is, in my honest opinion, one of the best female heroines in all Young Adult/Teen fiction today. What I like most about Annabeth is that she's a independant female lead that knows how to think rationally. She's the perfect balance of sarcasm and humour, and she's always ready to leap into action.

Annabeth is the anchor that grounds Percy Jackson. She keeps him centered, focused. She is the clear sky to his raging sea, the Wise Girl to his Seaweed Brain, simply put. She's strong willed, and Percy never doubts her abilities or decisions. She is able to think with a clear mind in during the haziest moments of inevitable peril. She also has big ambitions to do what she loves. She's also not afraid to admit that her flaws are that she's arrogant and prideful, which is not something most female leads can do. 

The look on her face is just so sad and pained because she knows her flaw better than anyone.

Why I think Percy Jackson is such a great series is because it's not subjected towards gender. It's equally a boy's book as it is a girl's book. In the series, not once are any of the female or male characters' abilities and capabilities questioned. Every boy and girl is allowed to participate in all the activities at Camp Half-Blood, be it archery or Capture the Flag. Not to mention that there are also male children of Aphrodite as well as female children of Ares. 

Annabeth is just so badass like??

The words that Rick Riordan used are hardly flamboyant or bombastic because they don't have to be. His writing is from the view of Percy, who, (in the first few books) is a teenager with dyslexia and ADHD. His injected humor and heart-stopping adventures (not to mention cliffhangers) are suffice to keep you turning the pages. 

As a devoted fan to the Percy Jackson and The Olympians Series and the Heroes of Olympus Series, I wholeheartedly recommend you read all of these wonderfully crafted books. In the Heroes of Olympus Series, when the other demigods and gods describe Percy as a fighter or leader, it makes me so proud of this stupid fictional character because I first met him as a nobody, but now he can pass as a god. This is one of my most loved book series' ever, and by the end of it I was sobbing because I could hardly believe such an adventure had ended. 

:')

Side note: Special thanks and dedication to Zen, for whom without I would never have read this series. Thank you for introducing me to characters that I will never part with, and adventures that I'll never forget. 

X O X O

Marisa

An Introduction

"I am a millennial. Generation Y; born between the birth of Aids and 9/11, give or take. They call us the global generation. We are known for out entitlement and narcissism. Some say it's because we're the first generation where every kid gets a trophy just for showing up. Others think it's because social media allows us to post when we fart or have a sandwich for all the world to see. But it seems our one defining trait is a numbness to the world. An indifference to suffering."-Madison Montgomery, American Horror Story, Season Three, Coven. 

I started this blog purely on an impulse. An impulse to write, to share my thoughts with a world that could hardly care less. I didn't start this blog for fame or money or notoriety. All I wanted to do was write. And so here I am, writing. 

I am thirteen. Naive, reckless, immature, "too young". I suppose. Johnny Depp once said that the problem is that everybody treats teenagers like they're stupid. We may be stupid, but so was everyone once. We just haven't had the chance to correct our mistakes and grow into our own skin yet. We are finding ourselves, creating and subsequently destroying.  But for or a diamond to be born, there must be high temperature and pressure. So we wreck ourselves, crumble. Because this is not our destruction. This is our birth. 

"This isn't the real me, yet it is. There's different versions of me, and they're all the real me. And you know what? That kills me. It's too confusing. I'm not one person. I've got a twenty-something body, eight-year-old heart, eighteen-year-old mind, and an eighty-year-old soul."-All Cowboys Need Pretty Girls.

I'm still trying to figure out who I am. In between struggling with school and juggling unstable emotions, that's pretty hard. But it's no doubt a journey that I'm looking forward to. And I hope that as I continue to share my experiences and thoughts with you, you'll find yourself gravitating towards your true self as well.

Till next time,

Marisa