Bruises (or alternatively, Things I'll Never Say)

You hurt me,

With your sickening lies

Your icy indifference

Your pathetic excuses,

Your half-hearted apologies,

I apologize for forgiving you.

You delighted me,

With anxiety attacks,

Sleepless nights,

I was drowning in paranoia

And the tremors traumatized my heart

I was waiting for you to save me.

You confused me,

With your kind words

Laced with double meanings

I choked to death

Swallowing down my hidden feelings

I compromised my happiness for you.

You touched me,

With your compelling warmth

I trusted you with my snowflake heart

You crushed it in your palms

And it melted apart

I wanted you to be delicate.

I wanted you

To prove me wrong

That not everyone lies

When they make promises

That I could place my trust in you

Without the aftermath of crippling regret.

You proved me right

That I cannot trust anyone

With this fragile heart

And disorientated mind

Who could love such a disaster?

I was selfish for needing you.

I remember falling down

Scrapped knees and scratched palms,

Tiny rocks imbedded in flesh

I picked myself up and brushed off the gravel

I was determined to learn the hard way.

I remember falling in love,

Misguided heart and misplaced trust,

Tiny wounds imbedded in flesh

I picked myself up and brushed off the pain

I was determined not to fall apart.

When you first get a bruise,

It doesn’t seem to hurt much,

It only stings against your touch

Bruises are ugly and hurtful

But bruises of a broken heart

Are even more so awful.

When someone tells you that you hurt them,

You don’t get to decide that you didn’t,

I was bleeding and bruising

And you tore apart the bandages

Like the appendages of my heart

I will not shed any more blood for you.

You remain oblivious

To the hurt that you have caused

I stitched up my heart and stifled away my misery

As long as I’m smiling it means you’re forgiven

But the bruises you’ve given me 

Were made with your volition.

You bruised me,

And although bruises can be pretty

I never should have allowed you to touch me

Pretty is ugly when you’re broken and falling apart

Pretty is not an excuse for breaking my fucking heart.